Listen, 

I was under the impression that this was a parent-led field trip, that I had the day off, so when I got the call asking where are you, why aren’t you helping the kids onto the bus, we can’t leave without you, I was already a couple Green Russians deep at the Maywood. 

It’s a White Russian but with a floater of Midori. Better than it sounds? No, if you don’t think that sounds good I don’t know what to tell you. 

So I didn’t intend to show up for the trip to Kings Island having had a couple. 

By the way, Bryson was missing for all of three hours when we found him, and he wasn’t scared for a minute of it. He was playing Pop-a-Shot. Alone, sure, but happily. Peacefully. 

I’ve already explained the thing with McKayla at length, it’s hardly worth rehashing. She left ten minutes before the bell, so I assumed she just went on to the art room with the rest of the class and forgot to return the bathroom pass. There was no way for me to know she had fallen through a loose floor tile. That she was down there for three-and-a-half days. When they came back from art class the kids said they thought she was at the nurse or something. Who am I to call them liars? 

I don’t see why my personal life is relevant here. I know exactly where my son is. Well, I assume he’s somewhere in Northern California. Something Valley, I think. There are a lot of valleys in California. Has to do with fault lines, I’d bet. 

Anyway, he was no angel. Far from it. He would leave the trash bins out for weeks at a time, let the lawn overgrow into a tangled mess. All of his chores: picking up groceries, doing the laundry, balancing the checkbook, you name it. The boy was a shirker. 

And now that he’s gone, been gone, the neighbors complain about the lawn, withered and dead. The city cites me for unbagged trash, scattered across the sidewalk. And who feeds me? Who bathes me and shaves me? It’s a miracle that I’m making it to and from work in one piece, that I’m here at all, let alone stone sober. 

Well if we’re going to be here for a bit, you mind if I crack this before it goes warm?